By Ruby Josif
As a Holistic Sex Coach, Female Sexuality Specialist and simply just a lover of sex in general, in both my professional and personal opinion, one of the most practical ways that we can support all of our sexual experiences (partnered and solo), is by using a good quality lubricant that suits our body and our needs.
The wetter the better
The way I see it, the wetter the better. Using a lubricant is such a simple way to increase pleasure, sensation and arousal and it helps us to avoid any uncomfortable friction burn in the bedroom. Personally, it doesn’t matter to me if my pussy is dripping wet, I am still reaching for a lubricant in all of my sexual experiences and I always suggest for my clients to do the same.
However, a common thread I notice amongst many of the women that I work with, is that there can be a huge amount of stigma and shame associated with needing or desiring to use lubrication in their sexual experiences.
Arousal doesn't always = lubrication
Unfortunately due to the mass misrepresentation of female arousal in the media, many women and people with vulvas have grown up believing that all female bodied people should get wet at the drop of a hat and if they don’t, there’s something wrong with them.
This couldn’t be further from the truth, as it’s actually totally normal for the amount of natural lubrication being produced by our vaginas to ebb and flow depending on what’s going on in our world.
For the vast majority of women and people with vulvas, while our vagina does naturally self lubricate, this isn’t always guaranteed. In fact, our vaginas can be quite fickle at times and our ability to get wet is not always as dependent on how turned on we feel as we may think.
Arousal Non-concordance
While arousal for women and people with vulvas does often simply take time (usually 20-45 minutes for full engorgement and lubrication), our “wetness” may also be influenced by other factors too, such as where we’re at in our menstrual cycle, how hydrated we are or the influence of contraceptives or medications we may be taking.
Additionally, these factors can all contribute to what is known as arousal non-concordance, which is the phenomenon describing that how turned on we actually feel, may not be accurately represented by our body’s sexual functions. For example, we may feel incredibly turned on, however, our pussy may not be wet and vice versa.
I want to highlight here that the vast majority of people experience arousal non-concordance over the course of their lives and it is not a reflection of our worth or ability as sexual beings. It’s simply one of those confusing things that our miraculous bodies do at times. This is however, where having a great lubricant on hand comes into its own.
So let’s break down the options we have available:
Oil Based Lubricant
PROS:
- The slipperiest type of lubrication on the market
- Very long lasting
- Compatible with glass and crystal sex toys
- Affordable, organic and natural options are easily available
- Great for sensitive skin
- Usually edible
- It can double as a massage or body oil, making it great for full body pleasure and exploration
CONS:
- It can be messy and hard to clean off sheets (not to worry if you have a Splash Blanket though)
- Not compatible with condoms as it can compromise the integrity of the material, making it more fragile and prone to breaking
Shop The Oil Based Lubricant here.
Water Based Lubricant
PROS:
- Lots of slip and slide
- Easy to clean off bodies and sheets
- Condom compatible
- Compatible with all toys
- Great for anal play as it absorbs easily in the anus
- Natural and organic options available
CONS:
- Dries out faster than other lubricants as it absorbs into the skin easily
- You have to use more due to the quicker absorption rate so it can be less economical than other lubricants
Shop The Water Based Lubricant here.
Silicone Based Lubricant
PROS:
- Glass and crystal toy compatible
- Condom compatible
- Creates some extra slip and slide if it has a silky consistency
CONS:
- Not compatible with silicone toys as it can degrade the silicone and create a breeding ground for bacteria
- Usually full of nasties that you probably can’t pronounce the name of
- Renowned for the aforementioned fragrances causing irritation and inflammation
- Often becomes very sticky or tacky very fast
- Usually full of fragrance and pH in-balancing ingredients which can cause yeast infections, thrush and other uncomfortable medical conditions
Decisions, decisions
Ultimately, everyone’s body, needs and desires are different, so when it comes to choosing a lubricant (or two) to keep on the bedside table, what’s most important is that we choose something that is going to suit us and support us in having the most safe, saucy and pleasure-filled experiences possible.
A high quality lubricant is an absolute game changer in both solo and partnered play, and in my opinion, it is a foundational pillar in a steamy sex life.
Want to learn more about Lubrication? Shop The Lubricants here.
Enjoyed this article by Certified Sexologist Ruby Josif? Check out her work here.