UNDER THE COVERS
Dive ‘Under The Covers’ with Yinn and friends in our new series dedicated to exploring, honouring, and celebrating our intimate individualism. Together we discuss sexuality, self-love, culture, pleasure essentials, and so much more juicy goodness!
An interview with Sex, Intimacy and Erotic Blueprint Coach Melissa Louise
ABOUT MELISSA
Melissa is a sex, intimacy and erotic blueprint coach who advocates for pleasure while educating and helping men, women and couples achieve their pleasure potentials. You can find more about Melissa via her Instagram.
Q) What was the main message about sex and sexuality that you received growing up?
I received loud and clear that sex was dangerous. It was not to be talked about nor had outside of marriage. It was something so secretive that whenever it did come up, there was anger around it. Anger that it was being mentioned, anger that maybe we could ask for something different, and anger that I could not just accept that “He” would know. As in the man would just know what to do with it, as it was not a subject for girls to speak about.
This secrecy created a heavy cloud around the subject which made it illusive, yet at the same time if the sex was not great in your marriage, that was to be accepted as well. I was told there is so much more to a relationship than sex and wanting it to be good was asking too much. We just needed to accept what we were given. It was so confusing.
There was also a very heavy flavour that any sexual issues were the female’s fault: she wanted too much, if she received attention, it was her fault. I never heard that the boys had to modify their behaviour, only the girls. All unwanted sexual attention was due to the girls asking for it, not the boys giving it without consent.
This secrecy created a heavy cloud around the subject which made it illusive, yet at the same time if the sex was not great in your marriage, that was to be accepted as well. I was told there is so much more to a relationship than sex and wanting it to be good was asking too much. We just needed to accept what we were given. It was so confusing.
There was also a very heavy flavour that any sexual issues were the female’s fault: she wanted too much, if she received attention, it was her fault. I never heard that the boys had to modify their behaviour, only the girls. All unwanted sexual attention was due to the girls asking for it, not the boys giving it without consent.
Q) How did you begin to explore and establish your own beliefs around sex and sexuality?
I was a rebel. So, I rebelled against everything that was handed to me as a girl. My country, the religion, school, the jobs a woman was supposed to do, marriage, and having kids! So, sex was a subject that I decided to rebel against. I also felt that as a Scorpio I was cursed as I ached for sexual freedom in an environment that kept telling me I was evil.
When I was 17 years old, I lived in Paraguay for a year. I met many girls and boys from Europe that had such relaxed and mature attitudes towards sex. Also, living in South America the men were so smooth and adoring, coming from Australia it was absolute heaven. To be told openly how beautiful I was with no shame was incredible. That year I felt that so much started to make sense, and I realized how afraid of sex I had been raised to be, yet all around me were people with attitudes of how normal sex was.
I always felt like an outsider as I moved back to Australia. Working in the gold mining industry and on stations I was continuously surrounded by a drinking culture that made being a woman in these situations dangerous. I was always on high alert, whilst being quite angry and confused that sex was only something talked about and done with alcohol involved. It was not until I moved to Sydney in my late 20’s that I felt sex was something I had an equal say in.
When I was 17 years old, I lived in Paraguay for a year. I met many girls and boys from Europe that had such relaxed and mature attitudes towards sex. Also, living in South America the men were so smooth and adoring, coming from Australia it was absolute heaven. To be told openly how beautiful I was with no shame was incredible. That year I felt that so much started to make sense, and I realized how afraid of sex I had been raised to be, yet all around me were people with attitudes of how normal sex was.
I always felt like an outsider as I moved back to Australia. Working in the gold mining industry and on stations I was continuously surrounded by a drinking culture that made being a woman in these situations dangerous. I was always on high alert, whilst being quite angry and confused that sex was only something talked about and done with alcohol involved. It was not until I moved to Sydney in my late 20’s that I felt sex was something I had an equal say in.
Q) If you had the chance, what would you tell your younger self about sex now?
That my pleasure absolutely matters and is essential. That my body is not a place for men to masturbate into. That the reality is that penetration is often underwhelming, as most men are totally undereducated. That learning about sex is the same as learning about business, Instagram reels or playing sport; it is a co creation, not a given.
Q) How important do you believe it is to embrace our sexuality?
It is the core of who we are. It is our aliveness, our health and wealth. When we do not embrace our sexuality, we are living a life on someone else terms, we are also handing our health (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual) over to a system that requires us to be ill for it to survive.
Without embracing our sexuality, we are existing, not thriving or living. It is our birthright.
Without embracing our sexuality, we are existing, not thriving or living. It is our birthright.
Q) What do self-care and self-love look like for you?
How can I make this moment more pleasurable? I ask myself that all the time. Self-love is about the mind as well. How as a woman, am I talking to myself, viewing myself, treating myself? It is about: how am I taking radical responsibility of whom I allow into my incredible space? Am I in integrity with myself and those around me?
Each day I massage my breasts, dance, and swim in the ocean. I flirt, I masturbate, I use my jade egg. I have a thousand cushions I lay about on, I always wear satin and silk night gowns all day, I even go out in them sometime if I can’t be fucked changing. I am known to get out of bed, put on some boots and earrings and go on a date! Self-love is doing what I want! Not what society says I should be doing. I laugh a hell of a lot, and cry. I fully own my emotions.
Each day I massage my breasts, dance, and swim in the ocean. I flirt, I masturbate, I use my jade egg. I have a thousand cushions I lay about on, I always wear satin and silk night gowns all day, I even go out in them sometime if I can’t be fucked changing. I am known to get out of bed, put on some boots and earrings and go on a date! Self-love is doing what I want! Not what society says I should be doing. I laugh a hell of a lot, and cry. I fully own my emotions.
Q) What do you love about your body?
Oh my goodness. My bum is fucking awesome! My shoulders and arms, my hair (I love my grey, salt and pepper hair). My mischievous eyes, my strong legs. My breasts are getting bigger as I get older and I love playing with them. Also, my pussy, she is fucking gorgeous, oh my goodness she is gorgeous. It is such a shame she is so hidden!
QUICK FIRE ROUND
Q) What are your top 3 pleasure essentials (tools, toys, resources etc)?
Warm coconut oil, hot pink feather duster and leather whip.
Q) What’s an unexpected moment that brought you pleasure this week?
A date that stayed on the motorbike. I had no idea this guy was a motocross champion but it became apparent as he ducked and weaved through the traffic in this small Mexican town I was visiting!
It was so fucking hot. I asked if we could stay on the bike and keep riding and he was delighted that I was so happy and not nervous. We rode, laughed, and kissed like crazy in the traffic filled town.
I felt like a teenager again, I left the seat so fucking wet where I had been sitting!
Q) Favourite song to get you in the mood?
Mad About You - Hooverphonic
Q) Favourite ritual related to sex?
Blindfolding a lover and taking them on a whole sensory experience of awakening the senses, naked of course.
Q) Do you have any particular people in your life who inspire you to be a sexually empowered person?
Meghan Gilron who is a bad ass Intimacy Director for films, Jade Mason (sister and mentor of all bad ass-ery), The late Betty Dodson, Orpheus Black (kink master), and the whole coaching community of The Erotic Blueprints.