UNDER THE COVERS
Dive ‘Under The Covers’ with Yinn and friends in our series dedicated to exploring, honouring, and celebrating our intimate individualism. Together we discuss sexuality, self-love, culture, pleasure essentials, and so much more juicy goodness!
An interview with Sexologist Cindra Banks, who helps couples have better sex and communication through her Sex & Relationship coaching.
Q) What are your pronouns, and how do you sexually identify?
My pronouns are she/her, I identify as Queer and Polyamorous.
Q) What does Pride mean to you?
Pride to me is about celebrating and reflecting on the journey to claim and embody my sexuality. It’s a space to allow myself to be seen and acknowledge the process I have gone through to step into this. I attended the Pride Parade here in Bangkok recently and I honestly felt so proud and happy to be who I am and where I am, out and owning it openly, hearing about the rights that the community doesn’t have here in Thailand made me very grateful to be Australian too.
Q) What is your favourite thing about Pride Month?
The chance to celebrate, to feel accepted and connect with other like-minded people in this space. Getting the opportunity to attend events here in Bangkok has really opened my eyes too.
Q) Tell us about your sexuality journey.
I had a pretty rough time coming out as my family really didn’t know how to take it. This was fifteen years ago, and I didn’t really “look” gay, I didn’t really fit into Queer spaces however all of my straight friends and my family weren’t accepting of me either. It was a challenging time, where I really had to fight to claim my sexuality. It always felt right to me to be bi (at the time), I never had confusion within myself, however the battle with my family and friends continued on for years. I am now grateful for this time because I had to become independent, I had to stand up for myself and learn to create my own acceptance, not need that from others. I married a woman and eventually, my family came around and I attracted friends into my world who were accepting of ME, regardless of my sexuality. After that marriage, I really felt into redefining my sexuality and fell in love with the term “sexually fluid”, I lean more towards pansexual - I just love people! This felt so freeing for me and allows me to be the full me.
Q) How can we be better allies throughout the year, not just during Pride Month?
I think just being conscious of and educating yourself around the struggles that queer people still face today. Supporting your friends and not being afraid to speak out when you witness homophobia. Little things like people still using the word “gay” as a put down, gently calling them out and helping them understand that it’s 2023 and that’s not a thing anymore. Being aware of the spectrum of sexuality now and how different people identify. Following queer education accounts on Insta and even occasionally sharing something on your story - All these little things add up to help create a more conscious, caring society.
Honestly NO message, which is just the worst. This is basically why I do what I do as a Sex Coach and Educator, the sex education I had in school was awful, there was no consent talk, nothing about pleasure or vulva anatomy. And within my family, there was never any talk about sex at all. So it seemed like a shameful, secretive thing that you just dealt with and kept to yourself.
Q) If you had the chance, what would you tell your younger self about sex now?
SO many things! I would have told little me that it’s okay to say NO, that it’s okay to give feedback if you don’t like something or tell someone to stop if it hurts! I honestly had no idea, I just thought well this is what sex must be like.
OMG so important. I think the more we can talk about it, the less taboo it becomes. If we had less focus on labels, many people would feel much more free to express themselves and experiment and PLAY. Sexuality can be really fluid and I think not feeling like you have to be locked into one thing is good to know.
I meditate, journal and move my body every day, these are my self care non-negotiables. I like to treat myself with yummy massages and facials, treats like raw chocolate and dancing is a fave practice of mine. Also, I self pleasure a couple of times a week, to every day depending on where I am in my cycle.
I had an ED battle for a long time, so I can truly say that most days of the week, I love everything about my body. This has taken a lot of work! The thing I love most, I would say how resilient she is, truly I am constantly in awe of how the body works and what it does for us on the daily.
Q) What are your top 3 pleasure essentials?
Cervix Serpent 2.0, I recommend to all my clients, this is how I first squirted
Splash Blanket, an essential for mess free intimacy and has saved many a bed/lounge/carpet in my house!
Musicccccccc…I love sensual movement to get me in the mood, stripping, self pleasuring and partnered sex to music. You can find me on Spotify to see what gets me in the mood.
I hurt my back and my partner suggested a massage to make sure I was still getting intimacy this week, was so lovely to just receive from her.
Q) Favourite song to get you in the mood?
With Me by DVSN
Q) Favourite ritual related to self pleasure?
Rosie Rees was a huge part of this for me. Also Eleanor Hadley embodies sexual empowerment! And my bestie constantly inspires me in my journey these days.
Want to find out more about Eleanor Hadley? Read Under The Covers With Eleanor Hadley on The Yinn Journal.