Regardless of your gender (male, female, non-binary or otherwise) or your sexuality, we’ve all experienced a moment in time when we’ve found a friend sexually attractive. (Go on, admit it. You have hot friends!)

For the most part, this attraction serves as a passing thought, similar to when we feel drawn to the energy of a stranger on the street or at the bus stop.

But what do you do if you want to act on the impulse? Is sex with a friend ever a good idea?

Juliet Allen, leading Australian sexologist, and founder of Yinn. and Pleasure School™, isn’t against the idea. In fact, she’s for it.

“If you're going to have sex with anyone, you may as well have sex with a friend – it’s someone you trust, someone you love, someone who you have a heart connection with and someone who you feel safe with,”

Allen explains on The Authentic Sex Podcast. “It’s better than turning up to a nightclub and picking a random off the shelf.”

Before you’re led too far down the metaphorical garden path, ensure that both parties know what they’re getting into. While there’s nothing wrong with being intimate with a friend, it can change things. “It can become complicated if it's not spoken about. There needs to be good communication of what the expectations are. For example: the woman might have an expectation that after having sex, they’re now seeing each other. Whereas the man might assume they’re just fucking for fun and wants to keep seeing other women. Then it becomes complicated and can spoil the friendship.”

Enter into the situation consciously.

Look at all of the information before you upgrade the friendship from a platonic one to a sexual one. Do they have any romantic baggage? Are they sleeping with anyone else at the moment? Are they a commitment-phobe? Are they a serial monogamist? If in doubt, ask your friend: what are your expectations of this?

In the end, no one can make the decision for you. If you’ve looked all the facts, had an open and honest conversation and it feels right, you’ll just know. And if, upon further reflection, it’s not meant to be, you’ve avoided a situation that could have been detrimental to your friendship. Either way, let your intuition guide you.

March 29, 2021