Communicating your way to better sex might sound simple enough, but in reality, it can be quite nerve wracking for some. Finding your voice when it comes to expressing desire often takes some time and practice, especially if you’ve been raised in a sexually repressed environment. However the more you begin to use words to express yourself and your desires, the easier it will become and better yet, your partner/s will have a deeper understanding of your body and the type of sex you’re wanting.

Here are some tips to creating an open and honest environment for expressing your sexual needs.

Self Love

Learning what you like is the first step to expressing your desires with a partner/s. If you don’t know what you enjoy, how can you expect them to? Taking control of your pleasure starts with you. Set aside some time to explore your body, touching not only your vulva or penis but your whole body. Note the places that feel good to you and how you respond to different types of touch. Checking in regularly with yourself and self pleasuring is an important part of both solo and partnered sex as your needs and desires can evolve over the years. We recommend our crystal and glass wand collection when choosing an all natural toy for self-pleasure.

Talk in a Neutral Setting

Talking about improving your current sex life can be difficult to address with a partner/s without hurting their feelings or feeling uncomfortable. Taking the conversation out of the bedroom and away from the heat of the moment of a sexual encounter will create a safe environment that honors a healthy and honest conversation, rather than that of an attacking nature.

Be Specific

Your partner/s isn’t a mind reader so you need to get specific on what it is exactly that you like. Communicating before, and also during sex by giving directions to the spots that you like will help your partner navigate your body. Remember that a person knowing what they want IS sexy. If you don’t yet feel comfortable in being as specific as ‘I like it when you lick my left labia’ try some of these - ‘Just a bit faster’ ‘It feels so good when you…’

Learn and Listen to the Breath

If you’re finding it hard to express yourself with words, talk to your partner/s about tuning into your breath. Listening to your lover's breath cycle can be a really important way to understand where their level of desire is at and what they’re enjoying etc. If your partner learns to listen to your breath and sync their penetration, sucking etc to it, you will be able to communicate in a non-verbal setting. For example: as your breath increases so does the rhythm and pace of the sex act; as your breath slows so does the pace.

Written for Yinn™ by Caity H.

March 05, 2021