You’ve got kids running around… Maybe they are under 5, maybe they are 15 - either way, they zap your energy.
It’s fairly common that children are a reason or excuse to not have sex with your partner.
You’re tired, they’re tired… The kids might wake up - what if they walk in on us?
You have to be quiet and you spend the whole time listening for noises instead of just enjoying the moment and being in your body.
So it starts to feel like a chore - and let’s not forget that depending on your birth experience - discomfort can come with penetration, so there’s another reason to resist saying yes to getting busy with your significant other.
It can be really easy to allow your relationship to fall by the wayside when children come into the mix, its a whole new dynamic to navigate and you would be forgiven for feeling like your priorities have shifted and your romantic relationship no longer has the top spot on your list of things that are important.
Let’s look at an alternative perspective.
Your romantic relationship with your significant other is MORE important once you have kids.
It’s a reality that you have less time for one another, so you have to make the time you do have more special.
The relationship you have with your significant other is setting an example for the relationships in your children’s lives.
Here are 4 ways you can reconnect with your partner after having children.
1. All Day Foreplay.
Discover the art of sexting and taking cheeky photos! They don’t even have to be nudes. Connecting with your partner in this way shows them that you still want and desire them, even though you may not have time to show it in the ways that you used to. Doing things for each other, even a simple I love you text or I’m thinking about you throughout the day can go a long way.
2. Physical Affection.
Physical touch and displays of affection will stoke the fire within your relationship. Even without the expectation of sex, being close to your partner, open mouth kissing them daily, holding hands, sitting close to them, massaging eachothers tired bodies, cuddling in bed, showering together.
Arousal may present itself for one party or another, and if mutual arousal occurs, its a wonderful opportunity for that deeper connection, but no pressure - knowing you’re still turned on by one another is going to lead to more connected and satisfying sex when it does happen.
You might be in the mood, or taking advantage of an opportunity when it presents itself, but that doesn’t mean that your body has caught up with what’s going on - and sometimes, there isn’t time to get the motor running. This is why point 1 & 2 are so so important, because the engine is already kinda warm, if you know what I mean…
A vulva owner who has given birth may at times experience discomfort during penetrative sex or dryness due to hormones being a bit out of whack, so a good quality lubricant is essential. Even if you’re in the mood - our bodies at times can’t keep up with the pace that things are moving and that bit of extra slip is such a welcome addition to the bedroom. Reducing friction means reducing discomfort. Reduced discomfort leads to more sex because you’re not cringing at the thought.
4. Date your partner.
In the earlier years of parenthood, it can be very easy to say no to leaving the house, to spending quality alone time together, but if you can prioritise it, at least once a month, it will do your relationship the world of good.
Having a conversation about something other than the kids and their bowel movements will remind you why you fell in love in the first place.
Dinner dates are often off the table, so get a grandparent or friend to swoop in for an hour or two and go out for breakfast or lunch - and spice things up a bit! Pack the lube and enjoy a spontaneous romp in the back seat of your car! Reminisce on the good old days!