By Erin Cook
Most romantic comedies start off the same way. There’s a chance encounter. A glance across a crowded bar. A flirty conversation. Sparks fly. The energy is palpable. The air thick with anticipation. Before long, they ditch the bar for someplace a little quieter. And, well, we all know what happens from here…
While Hollywood is usually a far-cry from real life, this tried-and-tested plotline isn’t too farfetched. For the most part, the early days of any relationship are magic – filled with ample romance and next to no responsibility. But later on, as reality starts to set in, couples can struggle to transition from hot-and-heavy lust to deep-and-intimate love.
When relationships lose their spark, there’s no magic pill to recreate the electricity of the day you first met; however, it is possible to transform your dynamic and get your mojo back.
Before we begin, there’s a caveat. Are you both committed to growth? Are you committed to deep intimacy and connection? If the answer is yes, then let’s go:
Step 1: Look inward
How is your inner union (aka your relationship with yourself)? Are you innately aware of your wants and needs? If the answer is no, that’s perfectly okay – fostering a strong inner union is a lifelong pursuit.
Before working on your relationship, take time to work on yourself. Give yourself permission to slow down and listen to what’s going on in your mind and body; this could look like meditation, walking, sitting, surfing, or a holiday alone. Find what works for you and schedule it in solo.
Step 2: Speak up
To bring a relationship back from the brink, you’ll need to work through your shit, together. This could be hard. For the most part, we’re not taught how to communicate in a healthy, effective way, so in intimate relationships, we can find it hard to articulate our feelings and desires. However, communication is a gift. Listen as much as you speak – or, better yet, listen more.
Step 3: Have fun
This one’s for the parents. Do you always have the kids? When children are involved, they inevitably take up a lot of time and energy, which can mean that romantic relationships lose their intimacy and connection. The solution? Book in a date night and ship the kids off to their grandparents, find a babysitter or book them into day-care. Find time to really connect – not as mum and dad but as lovers and partners.
Step 4: Get acquainted with the five love languages
Different people with different personalities give and receive love in different ways. By learning to understand these tendencies in both yourself and your lover, you can learn to identify the roots of your conflicts and create a more profound connection. The five love languages are: quality time, gifts, acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch. They might show love with extravagant gifts; whereas you see quality time spent together as the base of a solid relationship. If you’re struggling to connect with your partner, perhaps you’re simply speaking different (love) languages.
Reviving a relationship isn’t linear. There will be ups, downs, curveballs and speedbumps. But if you both commit to the process, you can see out the ride, together.
Did you enjoy this article? Read Love Languages & How They Impact Our Sex Life.