Libido is defined as a sex drive or desire for sex. Just like you, your libido is unique and it’s normal to experience highs and lows throughout your lifetime.
Scientifically speaking, people experience their healthiest sex drive when they're physically and mentally healthy. However, it’s important to note this isn't the case for everyone and if you have concerns, you may want to speak to a professional. Health, lifestyle and relationship changes are just a few of the things that can take a toll on your libido.
So before you freak out and think your sex drive is lost forever, let's bust five libido myths:
Myth 1: If you ain't doing it or thinking about it, then your libido is low
Don’t get it twisted, you can’t prioritise sex all the time, but that doesn’t mean your drive is low. You may be in a busy season of life; studying, caring for others or moving house. Maybe your relationship status has changed; you’re in a period of singleness, fresh out a break up or doing long distance.
Rather than pushing down or shaming your sex drive, embrace it with self-pleasure. Just like exercise or healthy eating, your sexual health needs to be tended to, not ignored. Take time to explore your body; admire it in front of the mirror, give yourself a body massage, take time to set the mood right with candles and music and explore your pleasure zones with The Luna.
Myth 2: Your libido should always be the same
Your libido and sexual energy are constantly evolving, just like you. Universally, libido drops as you get older. A study in Norway using the Brief Male Sexual Function Inventory discovered that males’ sex drive peaks in their twenties while women peak in their thirties. However, it also found men in their fifties are more satisfied than males in their thirties, proving high sex drive doesn’t equate to sex life satisfaction.
Cortisol levels in your body are the number one culprit for libido drops. When you’re in ‘fight or flight’ mode it’s natural for the body to not prioritise sex. Try slowing down, practising breath work or meditation and consciously applying The Body Oil.
Myth 3: Your libido should match your partner's
Just like your sexual desire ebbs and flows, your partner is likely the same so it’s unrealistic to expect your sex drives to always be in sync. Communication is key to understanding and respecting each other’s physical and psychological state. Try opening up the dialogue around desire outside of the bedroom and schedule sex! Trust us, it’s sexier than it sounds and can build desire and arousal. Send each other sexy voice notes throughout the day, photo or video content, and always remember foreplay.
For a healthy relationship to flourish both partners’ needs must be met. If one partner isn’t in the mood for any reason, it’s normal to experience feelings of rejection. Try not to take it personally and use it as an opportunity to reconnect with your own body. Communicate to your partner that you still need to take care of your own needs and give them the opportunity to get involved if they desire.
Myth 4: Men don’t experience low libidoWe can thank mainstream media for painting an unrealistic picture of the male sex drive. Not all men crave sex all day and ‘get it up’ at the drop of a hat. Just like females, their sex drive changes and can be affected by health and lifestyle changes.
Testosterone is the male primary sex hormone and major contributor to libido. Male testosterone levels naturally dip with age and 10-20% of males experience erectile dysfunction in their lifetime. While it can be frustrating for all parties involved, it’s common and can be addressed with a health professional.
Myth 5: If you experience a drop, there’s no going back
Wondering if your sex drive fell down a drain and is lost forever? Don’t fret, with a few adjustments it can come back feistier the ever. Firstly, try some home remedies like exercising more, stressing less with regular yoga or meditation, communicating with your partner, scheduling sex or spicing it up.
If these don’t do the trick, it’s time to look a bit deeper. Perhaps you’re going through menopause and experiencing natural vaginal tightness and dryness. If that’s the case, we recommend our Oil-Based Lubricant for long-lasting moisture and yoni nourishment. Perhaps your hormones are out of balance or you have trauma you need to work through with a specialist. It’s important to remember you’re not alone. Reach out to a trusted partner, friend or family member if you need support.
Honour your libido and your body. If you're looking ways to level up your self pleasure game, read our article Self Pleasure In The Bath Tub.