Ever heard of the term ‘leaky sexual energy’? As far as sex and dating lingo goes, this phrase is one of the more obscure ones. That being said, we’re almost certain that you’ve encountered someone with leaky sexual energy or even experienced it yourself.
“Leaky sexual energy has featured highly in my life in the past, and I think we can all relate in some way,” Juliet Allen, leading Australian sexologist and founder of Yinn.™ says on episode 52 of The Authentic Sex Podcast. “Unfortunately, we’re not educated sufficiently and holistically as children and adults about sex, and so what happens is, we don’t know how to manage our sexual energy.”
What is leaky sexual energy?
Before you can assess your own energy, let’s get clear on what leaky sexual energy is in the first place. Here’s an example: “Think of somebody whose presence felt a little bit ‘creepy’. You know that murky feeling you get from someone? You may have been a child and there was an uncle or a teacher who you didn’t feel safe around. It may be when you were in high school and there was a guy who felt a little bit creepy. As a guy, it may be a colleague or a woman that you worked with, who you just didn’t feel quite comfortable around.” In all of these scenarios, you may have felt like there was something leaky about that person’s sexual energy.
What causes sexual energy to become so leaky?
The root cause of the issue? A combination of hormones and resisting our sexuality. We’re not taught how to manage our sexual energy when it enters our body. “[Sexual energy] is already in our body from the moment we’re conceived, however, when our hormones kick in and we go through puberty, it can be really overwhelming,” Juliet shares. “When we have all this sexual energy and we don’t know what to do with it, it can come out in unhealthy ways.”
With sexual energy comes fantasies and desires. The chances of leaky sexual energy increase tenfold when we feel shame around our desires. “We’re not taught how to express [our sexual fantasies] or own them – so we push them down. We push it down and we push it down... And when we feel shame and guilt around them, the denied sexual energy leaks out energetically.”
“An example of this could be someone who has a fantasy about fucking 10 women in a row. Now, this is really common for someone to have this fantasy. If you have this fantasy, it doesn’t mean that you have to go and act on it. But to be able to speak about it, own it, and acknowledge it within yourself is definitely going to help; if you push it down, and you deny yourself even the acknowledgement of that fantasy, you’re pushing it down into your nervous system, and it’s going to leak out in unhealthy ways.”
How can you make your energy less… leaky?
If you’ve experienced feedback that you need to patch your own leady energy, start by (safely) owning and embracing your sexuality. “Stop pushing down your desires,” Juliet advises. “Own them within yourself. Speak about them to somebody – a friend, your partner, lover, therapist, whoever it is.”
Leaky sexual energy exists in the shadows; you know, the shadow aspects of your personality that you don’t like and try to hide away. “Or perhaps it’s the things that you do like about yourself but you shame yourself for liking them,” Juliet shares. Shine some light on the shadows and you might find that your desires aren’t so dark after all