Tips For Lovers: Introducing A New Toy
One thing that we encourage here at Yinn, is celebrating sexually diverse experiences. And yes, that includes trying new toys with lovers and partners. While toys can always be enjoyed solo, it can be a way to deepen pleasure and intimacy with your partner. This blog is for those who need a little extra encouragement. Whether you are a total newbie, or maybe you just want some conversation pointers for bringing this topic up with your lover, this blog has got you covered!
I’m here to tell you exactly why you should start now, not later.
Normalising Prioritising Pleasure
We live in an era where sexual wellness is recognised globally as essential to living a healthy and fulfilling life. The World Health Organisation recognises the right to sexual pleasure as a core component of sexual health and we personally think that is worth mentioning when it comes to exploring pleasure. Pleasure can be experienced in so many ways and toys can be a fun addition to your sex life that amplifies pleasure for both you and your partner. If toys bring you pleasure or if you are simply curious about the pleasure they could bring into your sex life, you should absolutely give it a go!
Normalising Toys In The Bedroom (Or Wherever You’d Like To Play With Them)
The first step is normalising pleasure toys. Often toys can be kept hidden, used discretely or solo. Historically, media has portrayed sex toys as something to be private and rarely spoken about, though that narrative is slowly shifting. If you or your lover/partner have not grown up in a sex-positive environment, it can still feel unfamiliar, and that is completely okay.
One of the best ways to normalise sex toys is to start talking about them. Ask a friend “Hey, do you ever use toys with a lover/partner? Do you have any recommendations?”
Opening the Conversation
If you are the one who is set on opening up this conversion, here are a few tips for bringing it up with your partner / lover.
Choose a moment outside of a sexually intimate space or sexual encounter. Raising this conversation outside of a sexually aroused space means that you can both engage thoughtfully and dive into the conversation without there being any subtle pressure. This might look like bringing it up during a cuddle, while you are relaxing or going for a walk. Maybe even over dinner if the time feels right!
One liners to open the conversation
“Hey, there’s something I’ve been curious about trying with you.”
“Hey, I was having a conversation about sex toys with a friend the other day and I think it would be so fun to try something together, what do you think?”
“Would you ever be open to trying a toy together during sex?”
“How do you feel about using a toy together? I think it could be really enjoyable and wanted to know if you were open to the idea.”
If Your Partner is Inexperienced With Toys
Your partner / lover might be inexperienced with toys and sometimes people can feel like introducing toys means someone is unsatisfied. Using sex toys doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with the sex or intimacy you are currently having. It can be helpful to view sex toys as a fun way to broaden your sexual experience together, to dive into pleasure and explore new ways to play together. Encourage your partner to be curious, this might look like going online and browsing before choosing a toy together. Ask them what they know about toys or if they have any past experience. You can browse through a range of beautifully designed toys at Yinn and check out our recommendations for beginners below. Opening up a conversation is the first step in normalising this topic!
If you already own toys that you use solo, ask your partner if they want to see what toys you already have. It can be a deeply intimate experience to show your lover what toys you have and how you use them. If they are curious, you can offer to show them how you use it. This can be a beautifully intimate experience for you both.
Bringing The Toy In To The Bedroom
If you’ve had the conversation and you are both keen to explore playing with a toy together, pop your toy somewhere accessible. Think, bedside drawer right near some lube. Having a good quality lubricant nearby is non-negotiable when it comes to using toys. Toys are commonly silicone based and are best paired with a water-based lubricant. This protects the toy and also increases sensitivity, adding to the pleasurable sensations.
When things are getting heated, all it takes is a simple question “Do you want to use the toy?” This gives your partner the opportunity to say yes or no. If it’s a yes, this can be an opportunity for you to take the lead and show your partner you like to use it!
Take The Pressure Off
You might use the toy for 30 seconds, 5 minutes or for the whole steamy session! Either way, let’s remember to take the pressure off, we want the toy to ADD to the pleasure and fun and this will vary. Being open to trying and seeing what unfolds is part of the fun.
Debriefing
Spend some time having a post sex cuddle and debrief. Ask your lover what it was like for them having sex with a toy involved. Ask them what they loved and if they found it challenging. Normalise having an open conversation and keep the communication curious. Debriefing is such a powerful way to deepen intimacy, dive deeper into sex together and to support your lover/partner if they have any vulnerabilities.
Hygiene and Toy Care
We highly recommend using a toy cleanser such as The Cleansing Toy Spray, to thoroughly clean your toys after every use.
Our Beginner Recommendations
The Ovie: Small, discrete but gives you 2 styles of sensory clitoral pleasure.
The Ecko: Couples adjustable cock ring vibrator, the name says it all.
The Okah: For those wanting to explore internal and external sensory pleasure.
Please remember that you are always welcome to reach out to our team should you ever have any questions about choosing your next toy!
With love,
Annalise Webster
Your In-House Sexologist at YINNBODY