What are Sexual Fantasies?
Sexual fantasies can be incredibly hot and playful.
They can also be unexpected and overwhelming leaving the person feeling confused about their sexual desires.
Most people will experience many sexual fantasies over their lifetime and it is important to recognise that this is super common.
Sexual fantasies can involve specific sexual acts, sexual dynamics, different people, types of
intimacy and relationships. Fantasies can be things that we might want to try and it can be liberating to explore these with a lover / partner.
Though it’s important to remember:
Just because we have a fantasy, does not mean we actually want to act upon it.
It can be very common to fantasize about someone OTHER than your partner, even if you love your partner deeply and have no intention of acting upon your fantasy.
For some people this can be confusing and can lead to feeling guilty, as though you have
done something wrong.
Why am I fantasizing about someone else?
What does this mean?
Sexual fantasies can feel overwhelming, you might find yourself asking these questions,
followed by feelings of shame and guilt.
I’m here to remind you that fantasies are normal.
Even when you are in a committed relationship.
Having Sexual Fantasies While Being In A Relationship
If you have chosen to be in a closed, monogamous relationship with your partner, this does not mean that you will suddenly stop having sexual fantasies or being attracted to other people.
When we are in a closed relationship, we still experience sexual attraction, desire and
fantasies about others.
But we CHOSE not to act on these, by choosing to honour the boundaries that we have
agreed on with our partner.
We also CHOSE to trust that our partner will also respect these boundaries.
Cheating can occur when someone has a sexual desire or fantasy for someone outside of
the relationship. Instead of respecting the relationship boundaries, that person may choose to act on their fantasy / desire, violating the agreed upon rules on the relationship.
Healthy monogamous relationships involve two people who actively recognise their private fantasies and desires, but continue to CHOOSE their current partner.
What About Exploring The Fantasy?
Keeping a sexual fantasy private and choosing not to share it with your partner is okay. We
are all allowed to have our own private sexual thoughts and fantasies separate from our
partners.
If you have sexual desires and fantasies that are separate from your partner, it is okay to
enjoy these thoughts in your own time, even during self pleasure, without sharing them.
If the sexual fantasy is consistent and you strongly feel the desire to act upon it or it has
started to negatively impact the sexual relationship you have with your partner, I would
encourage you to deeply consider why you continue to have this fantasy.
Being able to distinguish between fantasies that can be privately enjoyed without action and fantasies that you want to act on is essential.
If you have sexual fantasies that are important for you to explore, it can be incredibly
empowering to share this with your partner.
Honouring your own sexual desires and curiosities is a part of building a healthy sexual relationship with yourself.
You might want to explore opening your relationship, or exploring group sex like threesomes!
Starting a conversation is the first step.
Your Sexual Fantasies are Part of Being A Sexual Being!
(and that’s hot!)
If you know that your fantasies are just that, a fantasy to be enjoyed privately without being acted upon, I encourage you to be kind to yourself.
Enjoy the fantasy, don’t shame yourself for the thoughts.
Your sexual experience is diverse and what you are experiencing is just a very normal part
of being a sexual being!
Sex and intimacy should continue to evolve throughout your life time, consider introducing a vibe or spicing up your current self pleasure ritual with a delicious body oil or pleasure wand.
If you feel as though you need extra support and guidance, reaching out to a Sexologist or Sex and Relationship Coach can be an incredible way to support your own sexual wellbeing and your relationship.
With love,
Annalise x