Exploring anal play can be a big and exciting step. For some, it’s an easy yes, something you’ve always been curious about. For others, it can feel confronting, a little intimidating, or even off-limits.
Your personal experiences and exposure to anal sex, whether from friends, partners, or porn, play a huge role in shaping how you feel about it.
If you’ve only ever heard negative stories or seen unrealistic depictions online, it’s completely natural to feel hesitant. Porn often portrays anal sex as fast, intense, and penetration-focused, rarely showing how someone can actually learn to enjoy it safely and pleasurably.
Here’s the truth: anal play can be incredibly pleasurable. Anal orgasms are absolutely possible, and the key to reaching them lies in slowness, relaxation, and curiosity.
Anal Play ≠ Penetration
Let’s get one thing straight, anal play does not have to mean full penetration.
It can start as gently as a sensual massage, soft touch, or slow exploration. Think of it as discovering a new erogenous zone rather than rushing toward a specific goal.
So, if your partner has mentioned wanting to try it and you’re not sure where to start, here’s your beginner-friendly guide.
1. Approach Anal Play with Curiosity
Curiosity is everything. Ask your lover what draws them to anal play, are they excited, nervous, or just curious?
Start an open conversation:
-
Have either of you tried anal play before?
-
What kind of touch feels good (or doesn’t)?
-
Are there any worries about hygiene or mess?
Talking about it openly helps build comfort and trust. The more you can talk about “butt stuff,” the easier it becomes to enjoy it.
2. Use the Traffic Light System
Communication is key, and the traffic light system makes it easy to check in during play.
🟢 Green: “Yes, I’m enjoying this, keep going.”
🟠 Orange: “Slow down, I’m unsure.”
🔴 Red: “Stop, I need a break.”
You or your partner can say a colour anytime.
For example, if you start with gentle massage and they say green, you know they’re enjoying it. If you move into light penetration and they say orange, pause and check in, “Do you want me to keep going?”
And if anyone says red, stop immediately. Take a breath, cuddle, or switch focus.
Remember, the giver can use the system too, consent and communication are mutual.
3. Start with Gentle External Touch
Before you think about penetration, simply add gentle anal touch to your usual intimacy.
This can look like:
-
Light massage around the anus
-
Small, slow circles at the entry
-
Pairing touch with breath and relaxation
Focus on pleasure, not goals.
4. Release the Pressure to Penetrate
One of the biggest myths about anal play is that it must involve penetration. It doesn’t.
Remove that pressure entirely. The first goal is simply to enjoy external touch.
Only when that really begins to feel enjoyable should you consider going deeper.
Pleasure first, progress second.
5. Penetration and Relaxation: The Breath Connection
If you’re ready to explore penetration, relaxation is everything.
Take a deep breath in, exhale slowly, and feel your whole body soften.
Each slow exhale helps your body relax and your pelvic muscles open. This is how anal pleasure becomes possible, through calm, steady breathing and trust.
If you’re the giver, match your partner’s breath, move slowly, and use your other hand to stroke or massage another part of their body. Adding gentle sensory stimulation to other areas of the body can help to build pleasure and increase relaxation. The more relaxed they feel overall, the more pleasurable the experience becomes.
6. Hygiene, UTIs, and Douching
Let’s talk hygiene, because yes, anal play can get a little messy, and that’s totally normal.
-
Play somewhere with access to a shower for comfort and confidence.
-
Always shower and pee afterward, the natural bacteria from the anus can cause UTIs.
-
Some people like to douche before anal play to clean out the area, while others skip it entirely. It is completely up to personal preference and you can always do some research before hand if you are curious!
7. Anal Orgasms!
Anal orgasms can range from subtle tingles to deep, full-body waves of pleasure. They’re often described as grounding and intense, built from slow, steady stimulation rather than intense penetration.
People have been enjoying anal pleasure for centuries, it’s nothing new, just something many of us are relearning to embrace.
Remember, sex isn’t a race. Anal play rewards patience, presence, and connection.
8. Anal Play Starter Pack
For the best experience, there are a few things that you should definitely have handy if you are ready to explore anal play:
A Good Quality Lube: Always. More is better. Try the YINN Anal Lubricant, designed specifically for smooth, comfortable anal play.
Body Oil: Start with a sensual body massage to relax your lover before exploring anal touch.
Aftercare Balm: If you’re feeling tender afterward, soothe your skin with Happie Holl’s Balm, perfect for post-play care.
Anal play can be one of the most intimate and pleasurable experiences to share with your lover.
Take it slow, explore with openness, and most importantly, have fun!
With love,
Annalise Webster
Your In-House Sexologist