If you think that good sex begins with foreplay and ends with an orgasm, we have news for you.
“A lot of people want the quick fix, and I do believe that yes, I could give you a couple of things that are a quick fix but they’re not going to fix your sex life long term,” Juliet Allen, leading Australian sexologist and founder of Yinn.™ says on episode 53 of The Authentic Sex Podcast.
Juliet’s seven foundations for a happy sex life focus on joy and abundance, which will enhance the quality of your life overall, and in turn, create more desire for intimacy and pleasure. Juliet teaches her clients, listeners and Yinn.™ customers (that’s you) “how to have a life that feels really sexy and turns you on, instead of just having a small part of your life that’s sexy.”
Let’s get started, shall we? Whip out your pen and paper – you’ll want to take notes.
1. Make your home a sacred space.
The pursuit of a happy, fulfilled sex life starts with a sacred home space, Juliet explains. “What I mean by that is creating a home that feels really safe, and making it feel sacred.”
The energy of our home environment matters. When our home is beautiful, warm and comforting, it makes us more open to being intimate with ourselves and others. “It’s a big generalisation, but I see it time and time again,” says Juliet, who regularly coaches her clients on this topic.
2. Prioritise your health and wellbeing.
While health and wellbeing is a huge topic, it couldn’t be more essential. “It works for anyone I have worked with and has been a really personal journey for me. [That includes] finding food that agrees with me and that nourishes me, choosing organic, finding exercise that I love, and really looking after my health in a holistic way.”
“If our hormones are out of whack or if we’re eating shit food and feeling sluggish, our libido is naturally going to be decommissioned. You will thrive and your libido will rise when you’re feeding yourself food that is easily processed and that is nourishing you.”
3. Work on your inner union.
Your inner union is the relationship you have with yourself. “[It is] the importance of creating deep inner union between your own masculine and feminine energies; these energies are within us all. They are the yin and yang within. When we completely accept ourselves, when we love ourselves, when we choose ourselves, when we feel safe within our own body, we have great inner union.”
Fostering this relationship isn’t always simple and for most, it won’t be straightforward, but if you do the work, it will be worth it. We want you to fall in love with yourself – truly, madly, deeply.
4. Focus on your friends, family and lovers.
Juliet has a philosophy that you’re the product of the five people you spend the most time with. “Other people rub off on us, literally and energetically. If we’re hanging out with really negative people that are not enjoying life, I guarantee that you are going to be less likely to be enjoying life.” Do you feel obliged to spend time with friends, family and colleagues that just don’t lift you up? Take stock and reassess those relationships. Could you speak to them or distance yourself? Remember, your energy is precious.
On the flip side, think of five people in your life who make you feel good. Let them know how you feel. Spend more time with them. Embrace the positive energy.
5. Take stock of your career.
We spend hours upon hours at work every week. Juliet believes that we need to make this count. If you’re in a job that you’re not enjoying, stress and lack of sleep are going to wreak havoc on your sex life. “When we’re in a career that isn’t on purpose – meaning, we’re doing something that doesn’t align with our soul – it is literally soul crushing.” And when this is the case, “We often don’t feel in alignment with how much sex, connection and intimacy we want.” Take a look at your career and how it’s impacting you, your relationships, and your sex life.
6. Manifest money.
A topic that is often considered taboo, conversations around money can be few and far between. “I don’t believe that we need to have millions of dollars to be happy, however, I do believe that money brings freedom.”
Money in the bank means more opportunities to travel, eat nourishing food, pay for education, rest and live out our values. “When we take time to manage our money well and figure out what’s holding us back from earning what we’re worth, money will flow more freely.”
Read more about how to harness your sexual energy for money manifestation here.
7. Commit to great sex.
“The last foundation is wanting to have great sex. It’s being committed as an individual to experiencing great, ecstatic, amazing, life-changing sex and in order to have that, it’s sorting out what’s holding you back. I advise you to find a coach, a mentor, somebody who you can talk about this stuff with.”
We never said that the foundations steps for a happy sex life would be an overnight sensation, but trust us, if you put in the time, you’ll reap the benefits. Again and again and again.